In this case, it isn’t the child that’s broken.
The brain’s priority will always be safety, so if a person or environment doesn’t feel emotionally safe, we might see big behaviour, avoidance, or reduced learning. That’s what being brave is all about.’♥️ ViewĪ relationally unsafe (emotionally unsafe) environment can cause as much breakage as as a physically unsafe one. You felt anxious, and you stayed with it. Let them see their brave through your eyes.‘That was big for you wasn’t it. It doesn’t matter how messy it was or how small it was. And if they’ve done that today, at all, or for a moment longer than yesterday, then they’ve been brave today. Handling it is handling it, and that’s the substance of ‘brave’.īeing brave isn’t about doing the brave thing, but about being able to handle the discomfort of the anxiety that comes with that.
They don’t have to handle it well, and they don’t have to handle it for too long. What we’re saying is we know they can handle the discomfort of anxiety. ‘I believe you, and I believe in you.’ ‘I know this feels big, and I know you can handle it.’ At these times (safe, but scary) they need us to take a posture of validation and confidence. We don’t have to get rid of their anxiety and neither do they. It’s built in tiny steps, one after the other. Brave is about being able to handle the discomfort of anxiety enough to do the important, challenging thing. It doesn’t have to happen all at once.l and it doesn’t matter how long it takes. This is when we want to support them to take tiny steps towards that brave thing.
But when the avoidance is in response to things that are important, brave, meaningful, that avoidance only serves to confirm the deficiency story. When it is avoidance of a threat, that’s important. This is why challenging things, brave things, important things will often drive anxiety.Īt these times - when they are safe, but doing something hard - the feelings that come with anxiety will be enough to drive avoidance. Whenever there is a call to courage, there will be anxiety - every time.
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